Raising kids is one of the greatest joys of marriage — and, occasionally, one of the most efficient ways to discover just how differently you and your spouse were raised.
You’re over here quoting parenting books and wiping counters with disinfectant wipes. They’re letting the toddler eat peanut butter straight from the jar while practicing wrestling moves in the living room.
Welcome to parenting as a team — where love is strong, kids are sticky, and compromise is key.
1. Parenting as a Team – Present a United Front (Even if You Whisper-Argue Later)
Rule #1 of parenting as a team (partner parenting): never throw your spouse under the bus in front of the kids. That includes side-eyes, sarcasm, and audible sighs when bedtime goes off-script.
Even when you disagree on the spot, back each other up — then have the real conversation later, when tiny ears aren’t eavesdropping from behind the couch.
Why it matters: Kids are masters at divide-and-conquer. Don’t give them a wedge to work with.
2. Parenting as a Team – Discuss Parenting Goals Before the Tantrums Begin
Take time to talk about your big-picture goals. Do you want your home to feel structured? Laid-back? Faith-focused? Outdoorsy and screen-light?
You may have grown up with different values, but marriage is about building a new rhythm — one that fits your family.
Suggestion: Make a parenting mission statement (yes, seriously). It doesn’t need to be fancy. Just agree on what kind of home you’re trying to create — then revisit it when chaos inevitably hits.
3. Parenting as a Team – Divide and Conquer—With Grace
One of you might be the bedtime routine ninja. The other might be the world’s best boo-boo fixer. Play to your strengths, but don’t leave each other hanging.
And when the diaper hits the fan (sometimes literally), jump in and help — even if it’s not “your” turn.
Pro move: Swap duties occasionally. You'll gain appreciation, and maybe even some new ideas. Also, everyone should take a turn on “homework help” duty — it builds character (and patience).
4. Parenting as a Team – Disagreements Are Inevitable — Handle Them Like Grown-Ups (Mostly)
There will be times you don’t see eye to eye — about discipline, snacks, bedtime, screen time, or the appropriate age for slime.
Instead of rolling your eyes or throwing each other under the school bus, use the classic tools: “I” statements, deep breaths, and a reminder that you’re on the same team.
Example: “I feel uneasy when the kids get sugar right before bed,” beats “Why do you always give them candy when I’m not looking?!”
5. Parenting as a Team – Check In Often — Like You Would With a Coworker, But Cuter
Parenting isn’t static — it changes as your kids grow. That means your game plan should, too.
Make time (regularly!) to check in with each other. What’s working? What’s exhausting? What needs to change? Bonus points if you do this over coffee or after bedtime when the house is quiet(ish).
Final Thought: You’re Raising Kids and a Marriage
It’s easy to get so caught up in the world of kids that you forget you’re also nurturing a relationship. But your marriage is the soil your family grows from — keep tending to it.
Hold hands while pushing swings. Text each other memes about parenting fails. Laugh through the messes, the meltdowns, and the moments you both feel like you’re winging it.
Because at the end of the day, parenting isn’t about being perfect — it’s about showing up, side by side, sticky hands and all.
A Life on the Farm is beginning a new series on keeping love alive…even when you feel like strangling it. Join us below and don’t miss one second of spreading the love.
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