Don’t let life get in the way
Life can be so demanding–it can be a real circus, in fact. We are all juggling so many balls that we can end up losing sight of what’s important. Sure, there are lots of important things that we do every day. Taking care of families, raising children (sometimes a herd of children!), careers, home, little league and ballet…whatever your own personal life happens to be filled with. Those are certainly all very important but sometimes they can really get in the way.
Admit it, you know what I’m talking about. Up at zero-dark-thirty, breakfast for all, supper in the crockpot, a little housekeeping, getting the kids dressed for whatever is going on that day, playing taxi to get everyone where they’ve gotta be, a full day’s work-whatever that looks like in your life, ball games, recitals, church, birthday parties….and the list goes on…and on…and on. In all the frenzy of life, especially life with children, relationships sadly end up taking a back seat.
Sometimes you don’t even realize it until it’s already happened. The air gets tense, you become a little irritable without really knowing why. You feel like you’re starting to grow a little apart, you’re not as close as you used to be and you just can’t put your finger on exactly why you feel that way. It happens to all of us. But there’s good news! There’s a cure for this particular ailment and it’s a pretty easy fix. Doesn’t taste bad, no pills to swallow and the only side effect is happiness and feeling closer to the one you love. That cure is time spent together. It honestly doesn’t even matter what it is that you are doing together as long as it is together….alone together. (Family together time is great and I’m all for it, but our relationships need alone time together as well.)
A facebook poll and interesting answers about being together
I recently asked a lot of my Facebook friends what their favorite thing was to do with their significant other. I got quite a few very different and interesting answers, however, the one common thread between them is time spent together talking. Now you might say, “We talk everyday”. However, “Have a good day, see ya later” or “Can you pick up Tommy and bring home some milk?” doesn’t count. Those are words of necessity. They do not help you connect or reconnect with the one that you love.
There were ladies who said that they most enjoyed time spent with their husbands doing laundry and cooking dinner. Some mentioned road trips and working in the shop together building things. There were some who talked about working together doing daily labor on the farm or ranch. Still others talked about sitting outside and drinking coffee, studying together, taking walks or hikes, slipping away for a milkshake. One young lady even mentioned holding horses while her honey put shoes on them (she also offered that it was even better because she got to look at his butt! …a twofer!)
All of these answers were terrific but they were all based in the same principle. Talking; conversation just between the two of them. Two of my friends specifically mentioned that their favorite times were those nighttime talks after the kids were in bed (one even mentioned that they sometimes ditch the kids just to be able to have those special moments). Talking about anything and everything; the subject matter is infinitely less important than the time spent together.
What can we do
When you devote a regular time to conversation with your spouse, you see and feel the reward. It’s very difficult to grow a relationship (or even sustain a relationship) without alone time spent in conversation. You can also see the same effects in other relationships. I know that when I spend time in conversation, one on one, with any of my children, we become stronger, tighter. All of my kids know how important they are to me but having me give them that unencumbered time, that time that I devote individually to them in conversation allows them to feel it. It’s evidence of how important they are to me. We all need that. I need that from my husband and I know that he needs that from me. But even more importantly, our relationship needs and deserves it.
If and when you ever find yourself falling into this cycle, (and it happens to all of us), I challenge you to do a couple of things. For one, think about when was the last time that you spent alone with your significant other, in real conversation. And two, make it a point to find that time. The time to give them all of your attention. Time to talk about ..whatever…the good ol days, your future goals or just how nicely your lives fit together. Just you. For a little while. You will be amazed at the difference that time can make in a relationship.