Raising Adults in a Childish Society
But why? …why? …why? From the moment they can speak, I believe this to be a child’s most often-used word. Why? Why! Great word….easy to say…can be used just about anywhere.
There’s a reason that children ask this question so much; and here it is. Are you ready for it?
They actually, legitimately, and sincerely want to know why.
It’s that simple. And what’s wrong with that? Raising adults is our goal.
‘Why’ is how they learn. ‘Why’ teaches reasoning. ‘Why’ teaches them why and how we make our decisions.
You Are The Teacher and You are Raising Adults
As a parent, you are a teacher, even if you don’t homeschool your children, as I do, you are still the most important teacher in your child’s life; and whether or not you are teaching the right things, you are still teaching. With this in mind, one of the most important ideas that we can put serious thought into is exactly what we are teaching our children; all the way down to the little things, like whether or not to answer a question fully.
My daughter used to keep me straight on this when she was a little one. If I ever answered ‘because’ to her question of why, she would demand “tell me the whole thing!”
Give them a Reason so They Know “How” to Reason
Everything we teach our children puts them on the path to be the kind of adults they are going to become. That kind of thing doesn’t just happen when they turn 18 years old.
They don’t just wake up on their 18th birthday and ‘poof’ they are suddenly a responsible adult, knowing what to do and how to make good choices. It is learned throughout their lives, and that fact is what brings me to the point of this article.
When children are young and you tell them what to do or what you are going to do, etc., they ask why because they need to understand the thought process behind the decision. It is not because they are questioning your decision, or trying to irritate you.
They really want to know why. …and they need to know why.
I have always practiced this with my children and I believe it has taught them how to make decisions on their own. I believe that from an early age, they were able to see the reasoning behind the choices we make; even the little ones.
I am raising thinkers, therefore, I have to teach them that process.
“Brush your teeth before you go to bed son.”
“Why?”
“Because it gets rid of all of the germs in your mouth that cause cavities and toothaches.”
I’ve never again had to answer that question and I have even heard him tell his little brother that as well.
These things stick.
Even the little answers to the little questions in life tend to stick in their hungry minds. And when I say stick…, let me give you another example.
Kids Remember the Answer to Why
I am from Southern Oklahoma, directly below the Arbuckle Mountains, which, I believe, were said to be one of the largest mountain ranges a long time ago before they collapsed. When they collapsed, falling in on themselves, they left what appear to be ‘rows’ of rocks.
When I was a little girl, I asked my father why those rocks were in rows and his answer was ‘because the Indians planted them that way’.
He was my daddy… and I had no reason to doubt him. *eyeroll
It wasn’t until I was about 18 years old and repeated that fact aloud to a friend, that I realized how crazy it sounded.
…..see, what we learn as children, sticks with us!
There are Real Reasons to Answer Fully
Certainly, there are moments, specific ones, that require the mentality of ‘because I said so’, but I believe they are few.
A child who grows up simply learning to do what they are told without question, because they are told, misses out on a huge piece of the growing puzzle.
They miss the piece that actually teaches them the process through which we go, in coming to a conclusion or decision.
They just learn to follow only.
If you take this idea and apply it to adult lives, especially in our current state of affairs – the world as it is these days – shouldn’t we, as parents, be focusing on teaching our children to question all things and not just blindly follow anything?
Terrorists blindly follow their leaders.
Uninformed citizens blindly follow the cutest, strongest, or loudest sound bite.
An intelligent adult, or child, makes use of the skill of critical thinking and this is how they learn it. By watching us, and understanding the process that we use to make decisions.
People who never learn the lesson of skilled reasoning become blind followers.
There are many moving parts in the art of parenting; many things that we can and should do, many moments that we have to endure as parents. Answering the question ‘why’ is one of the easiest and most significant tools that we have at our disposal.
I urge you to pay close attention to how many of your children’s questions that you strive to fully answer. Also, pay close attention to the satisfaction they get from hearing that answer.
It is a beautiful thing; to watch a child’s mind hard at work; wheels turning, information processing.
Raising adults is a complete joy in parenting – raising intelligent, thinking adults.
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Don’t miss these related posts on Farm Style Parenting and Raising Adults! Personal Responsibility; A Thing of the Past? Teaching Responsibility; One Mom’s Powerful Take
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