I absolutely love being a mom! I know that God put me here to raise these precious children and be their guide as they grow and learn through life. Most days, there is a great deal of happiness in everything; whether I am laughing at something the boys are doing, laughing with my comedic daughter or just thinking about how blessed I am to be their mom.
…..however, there are those days when it is all I can do to hold it together. We had one of those anxiety-filled days recently. …Motherhood
The Field Trip that Left Me in Anxiety and Tears
My husband and I took the boys to the Chickasaw Cultural Center for a Homeschool Field Trip. Everyone was having a very nice time and all was going very well…. for about the first 30 minutes. And then came trouble.
As we were waiting for an outdoor program to begin, the children were all running around and playing, laughing and having a great time, when I heard that particularly anxiety-inducing sound that all moms know. “MOM!”
It wasn’t an angry ‘mom’, or a whiny ‘mom’… it was pure fear. It was my youngest son, Mason, yelling to let me know that his big brother was injured.
When I looked back, Logan was on the ground, grimacing and holding his knee. As I got closer, what I saw put an immediate knot in my stomach, but also set me into action. Thank God for my Army training…I’m sure that’s what took over.
There was a gaping hole in my son’s right knee. When I say gaping, I am very serious. It is approximately 4-5 inches across and I’m pretty sure I could see the kneecap! While this was a horrible thing all by itself, certainly worthy of plenty of words, however, what happened next is where I would like to focus.
God Sent Us an Angel to Help us Keep Calm
While my stomach was fighting to climb out through my throat, I found myself being oddly calm. My son needed to be calm, therefore I was calm. I laid him down on the ground and began talking to him.
At the same time, another woman, that I had never met, Shannon Mead-Sampson, also hit the ground beside us. She grabbed hold of my sons other hand and began talking him through steady breathing. She then asked if she could pray over him and did so with my blessing and thanks. I believe that we all felt that peace come over us.
During this time, other things were going on. My husband sprang to action, called 911, and began holding us all together. Our youngest was terrified and after the initial alerting, he ran off and hid – away from all of the panic.
My husband went and fetched him, helping him to deal with what was going on as well. I remember looking up at Mason, holding onto Kris’ leg, and clearly feeling more safe there, reaching down to hold Logan’s hand and telling him ‘I love you’. Kris’ strength shored us up.
Overcoming the Anxiety Because I Had To
We went by ambulance to the hospital and I stood with Logan throughout the day. Some of it was gut wrenching. The hole all by itself was horrifying, but then there’s the shots and scrubbing and stitching and all that as well. Throughout everything, my boy held onto my hand, seeking strength and support from his mom.
-Motherhood at its best.
During the process, I even had moments where I was close to passing out. The Dr. had my husband stand close to me to make sure I didn’t hit the floor, but I held it together for my little boy.
I will certainly say that my young man impressed me more than I thought possible. He was so strong in the face of fear and pain. I figured we would be dealing with screaming and crying, but instead it was just some grimacing. I kept expecting to hear a yell, as the Dr. was injecting medication into his knee, but no; not at all, he just held my hand and looked into my eyes.
The Aftermath of Anxiety
The entire day was one that seemed a little bit unreal. I certainly didn’t expect to end up in that situation, but it taught me something else, as well. After Logan was all stitched up and we were leaving the hospital, I realized that I was about to begin the falling apart process. I could actually feel it coming on. To be honest, I was a little angry with myself.
‘You mean, I held it together all day, held my son’s hand throughout the ordeal, kept my head, didn’t pass out… and NOW I’m gonna fall apart?
My husband, ever-loving, caring and insightful, realized what was happening and immediately reassured me that all was well. I kept it together during the event because that is what was needed. It is what motherhood required…and allowed for. But now that it was over, I could release all that energy. I was crashing. And that was Ok. I did what was needed, as everyone did, and we all got through it.
Hidden Blessings
When I think about how the day’s events unfolded, I am struck by how everything fell into place. If it HAD to happen, then it happened in the perfect way. It was a Homeschool Day at the center, therefore the place was full of other Homeschoolers.
The lady who dropped to the ground with Logan and me, also a homeschooler, says that she is blessed to have been there to be used by God in that way. I know that I am grateful to her for allowing herself to be used in that way. The rest of our homeschool group rallied to help us and then when we left for the hospital, they stood there and prayed together for Logan.
Lessons Learned
My husband, held us all together as we were on the verge of falling apart. Logan, I believe, learned something about his own strength that day and even little Mason showed very clearly how important his brother is to him. I couldn’t be more blessed – Motherhood.
As a mother, I get to feel inordinate amounts of happiness on a daily basis, but I also get to dip into the fear and anxiety that come along with the same.
That’s ok. I’ll take it. I’m a mom.
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